iRueYou
by MindBottled
Summary: Sometimes, all it takes is a single kiss to make the universe stop. Other times, all it takes is one kiss to make the universe come crashing down.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything from iCarly. Those rights belong to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon.

**Author's Note: **Kiss fic! In which there are five kisses and one almost kiss, some of them cannon, others not so much. Anyway, enjoy!

**Pairing: **Carly/Nevel, brief mentioning of Sam/Freddy, slight subtext of Carly/Freddie

* * *

><p>Nevel Papperman is not the thirty year old blogger she was expecting. Instead, he's a short, awkward boy. She wasn't sure why she had even assumed he would be thirty, it just seemed to fit. What kind of eleven year old would want to obsessively review random web shows?<p>

Apparently the type that speaks like they have the dictionary memorized, obsesses over the size of their brain, and is completely phobic about germs. She vaguely wonders if this was how Mrs. Benson was as child. Now that would certainly fit.

He's creepy and she's pretty sure, scratch that, positive he is trying to put the moves on her. The web-based fireplace, the tapenade, him sniffing her hair which was disturbing on so many levels… it all adds up.

"Can we just do the interview now?" She finally asks, after rebuking his latest attempt at 'wooing', this time with jazz dancing.

He stops the music with a sullen frown, leaning in closer toward her, and before she's even aware of what's happening, he firmly plants his mouth against the side of her face. His lips against her cheek are slimy and repugnant; her heart stops from what has to be revulsion as she rips away from him, an indignant frown working it's way onto her face.

Her actions don't even faze him as he boldly says he wants to kiss her again, this time on the lips.

Apparently, a spurned affection in Nevel Land means run away with me into the meadows where we shall frolic in fields of love. Too bad she didn't wear her frolicking boots today.

Glaring at the puckered lips that were moving steadily toward her face, she grabs the platter of tapenade and shoves it into his face. Kiss _that_, Nevel.

She calls for Spencer before storming out of the house, while Nevel serves as background noise, claiming that she'll come to rue this day, whatever that means.

The nerve of some people!

**xoxo**

One wish.

One wish and now the world as she knew it was lying around her in ruins. After learning that Spencer was now engaged to Mrs. Benson, a sure sign that the normal Spencer had way more mental issues than her regular, abnormal Spencer, she wasn't sure if she could handle anymore surprises.

Especially not in the variety of Freddie and… _Rona Burger_?

She could scarcely believe the scene that was playing out before her very eyes; Freddie, fawning over Rona, while barely even acknowledging her. The same Rona who is completely inept at even showing a trace of kindness, who screams at everyone, and who becomes volatile if things don't go her way.

He's actually dating her?

This has to be some twisted dream, this can't be happening to her, this _can't_ be real. She desperately wants Sam or Freddie or even Spencer to pinch her and wake her up from this nightmare but all she gets is Mitch telling her to forget about Sam and that the reason why Freddie is acting so bizarrely, is because she has a boyfriend now.

Great, as if things could get any worse.

Then again, he could be cute and didn't she always say she wanted a boyfriend?

A group of snickering girls announcing that her quote unquote boyfriend is coming over manage to break her out of her stupor. This is _not _the time to be thinking about boyfriends. The only thing that should be occupying her time right now is finding a way back to her home, her real home.

"Carly!"

Her insides freeze up instantly. No, it couldn't be…

Her throat plummets into her stomach as she turns around and all at once, her fears are recognized.

"Nevel?"

His lips seize onto hers for the briefest of seconds, yet it feels as though an eternity has passed before he lets her go. And in her blind panic, she does the only thing she can think to do; she screams.

**xoxo**

Blackmail, extortion, and coercion.

All these words link her to one person, the cause of her distress: Nevel Papperman. She had to give him some credit though, when he said she would come to rue her actions, he meant it.

Too bad he didn't know she still had another ace or two up her sleeve.

She can feel the bodyguard's eyes on her as he folds away the newly inked paperwork, a tiny smirk on her features. Any minute now and Nevel would be in for the shock of his lifetime. When he draws in closer and the bungee cord still hasn't dropped down, her palms start to become sweaty and she can feel unease welling up in the pit of her stomach.

Any minute now.

She can feel his breath against her face; warm and sticky with humidity, looming in ever closer, like an oncoming storm. She tries to remind herself that it's not going to happen, that it was just a ruse to bait Nevel along and get him to sign the website back over to her, but even the sharp bite of the harness can't seem to convince her that this isn't reality.

When he edges away and pulls out a tin of lip balm triumphantly, puckering his lips out as he coats them with the mint-scented wax, the clatter of steel against brick echoes throughout her eardrums.

This time, when he leans in, she pulls away and attaches the rope to her harness, a victorious grin on her features.

"Bye, _Nevel_."

She lets out a whoop of glee as Spencer hauls her up, away from peppermint lips and sweaty bodyguards, because this time, victory couldn't taste any sweeter. Though, as she climbs into the apartment, she can't help but think that it might be in dire need of a guacamole topping.

With a sly grin, she grabs the bowl on the counter and heads back to the open window.

**xoxo**

It was still hard to believe that out of everyone, even now as he's sitting on the couch in her living room, that Nevel Papperman would turn to her for help. She couldn't say it was out of character for him to yell at a little girl, but it was still shocking nonetheless, even more so when he admitted to her, Sam, and Freddie that he was actually ashamed of his actions.

Somehow, in the course of events, she wound up alone with him on her couch.

He's a still a wreck, his clothes coated in muddy water stains and shriveled leaves, so different from his normal, impeccable state, but it's more to it than that. There's actually remorse shining through clearly in his puffy, reddened eyes.

Her mind is being battered with a million different thoughts, some of them of pity, shame, sorrow, and something else that she can't quite put her finger on. There's a single certainty though; for once, in the time that she has come to know him, Nevel was actually showing regret, true regret.

And that may be the most discomforting thought of all.

She hesitates, before her fingers softly trace the outline of his cheek, the contact brief and minimal, yet at the same time, hauntingly personal. His eyes turn to hers, searching through her umber orbs, as if looking for some unseen motive, a deception on her part, as though he's convinced that this has to be subterfuge.

She knows that's she warranted some suspicion, her past is as riddled with as many lies as his own, but at this moment, there's no secret plot, no plan to hurt the boy anymore than he already has been.

The only thing going through her mind is the guilt that's threatening to devour her whole. She had been happy, ecstatic even, at his fall from grace but that was before he came to her door looking so broken, in such turmoil and anguish.

And now her back's at a wall and there's only one thing she can think of to ease her conscience.

She can almost hear his frantic heart beat as she leans in closer, her breath fluttering against his skin, her lips barely ghosting the side of his cheek. And just like that, she pulls away, so fast that if he had blinked, he would have missed it.

She doesn't say anything, she just gets up and retreats to the recesses of her apartment, leaving a stupefied Nevel on the couch.

She doesn't want him to dwell too much on it, doesn't want him to linger on any what-could-have-beens because there is nothing written beneath the surface of her actions. It was just an act of remorse, nothing more and nothing less.

It means nothing, right?

**xoxo**

When she sees Sam and Freddy kiss, tremors of emotion run through her. First anger, then jealousy, before hurt and betrayal dominate all, and she knows that even though her mascara isn't streaking down her face, her heart is still breaking all the same.

How could she…? How could he…?

Before she even knows what she's doing, she pulls out her phone, fumbling with the keypad.

"Hello?"

The dam inside her bursts as she sobs into the phone, catching the pragmatic boy off-guard. And in her hysterical state, she rambles, overriding his awkward words of comfort. About how iCarly's ruined, how people are betraying her in the worst way possible, and how she's losing her two best friends in the world all over a stupid app that led to an irreversible kiss.

Only once her throat has gone dry and her voice becomes hoarse, does she realize who she's spilling her most intimate of secrets to.

The one person who's tried to destroy her at every turn has now become her confidant. There's something ironic about such an acute turn of her events, but she's too fatigued to care about philosophical musings.

She's barely aware of his voice now, pitched too high against the mechanical whine and crackling with static, as she terminates the call. She walks across the hallway, her shoes scuffing against the linoleum, before leaning against a wall and falling to her feet, her thoughts drifting further and further into a state of disarray.

Because out of all the Brutus' tonight, her betrayal might just be the worst.

**xo**

Her inbox has three messages the next morning, all stemming from the same number. Even without caller ID, she knows who it is before the first message starts to play.

He sounds frantic, almost desperate, in a panic she's only encountered from him once before. He's pleading with himself, he's pleading with her, wondering if she's safe, if she's alright.

And she laughs, the sound emanating from her throat hard and cold, as foreign to her vocal cords as it is to her ears. Out of all people, when had he ever been concerned as to whether she was safe and secure? Hadn't he been the one who almost got her beaten to bloody pulp, relishing every second of her fear and unease?

And, a tiny voice reminds her, hadn't he also been the one that told her the only person he actually hated anymore was himself? She tousles a hand through her hair and sighs; sometimes, it was difficult for her to remember that Nevel was human, that he did, in fact, have a multi-faceted personality even if it was mostly unused.

In the second message, he's furious. Furious at her for calling, for actually having the gall to hang up on him, but mostly, he's just furious with himself for even caring so much about it. Towards the end he emit's a sort of strangled sob, though whether it's from pure frustration or something else entirely, she couldn't say for certain.

Up until the end, she's almost comfortable with this message. It was familiar territory, where she could pretend he was still the same evil troll who stole kisses from her and took wicked glee at bringing mayhem into her life. The distraught wail brought her crashing back to reality.

In the final message, his voice is intoned with weary resignation. He just asks that she call him back whenever he gets this message or not, it's her choice.

She turns the pearphone off with a beep and closes her eyes before falling back onto her bed, the warm, fluffy layers doing little to comfort her.

She should never have called him, she should never have even witnessed the kiss in the first place. She was so preoccupied with meddling into Sam's personal life that she didn't stop and _think_ about what could happen. That maybe, it wasn't _Brad _who Sam was in love with or that maybe she would see her two best friends chomping on each other's lips. She just became so obsessed with finding out the truth that she acted rashly and didn't think of the consequences, as usual.

With a frustrated growl, she blinks open her eyes; a grinning picture of the threesome after a set rehearsal on iCarly tauntingly greets her.

A few tears slip from her eyes, but she quickly brushes them away. What's done is done and she can't change anything now, because she's pretty sure you only get one Christmas wish per lifetime and she's already wasted her allotted count.

After a few moments, she pulls on her coat and grabs her bus pass. Out of all the confrontations she's going to have to make in the upcoming days, this one might just be the worst.

**xo**

She knocks on the door, the sound emitting a quiet echo. Should she even really be doing this?

She pauses and considers going back to the metro, just pretending that the previous night's phone call and the messages in her inbox never happened. Yeah, and while she's at it, she could just pretend like she didn't see the kiss either.

The truth may be bitter, but it was inevitable; she has to face him, just likes she has to face them.

The door swings open, revealing Mrs. Papperman, who looks as though she just swallowed a whole lemon when she catches sight of her, much different than her normal, bubbly persona. Then again, if Nevel acted half as upset as he sounded last night, it's a wonder that this woman doesn't hate her by now.

"Carly, what can I do for you?"

The grin on her face is forced and the words come out through clenched teeth; oh yeah, this is one peeved mama bear.

"May I speak to Nevel, please?" She hopes she didn't sound half as terrified as she felt.

Mrs. Papperman eyes her fiercely for a moment before speaking again.

"I'll go get him."

The door slams shut, causing Carly to jump a little. So much for being invited inside.

She fidgets awkwardly on the porch, pulling at a few loose strings on her coat, trying to ignore the chilly breeze. This was a stupid idea, he probably doesn't even want to see her. She's so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she doesn't even hear the door creak open.

"Carly?"

Her insides twist up when she sees him staring at her in disbelief, as if she were some bizarre dream, a living mirage.

Right, he's here now so she can confront him about last night but what was she going to say? Sorry I called you in the middle of the night, I just had a mild mental breakdown after seeing my best friends kiss, thanks for listening to my bawling. Also, sorry I kept you on pins and needles all night after said phone call.

Yeah, she could see that going over just swell. Plus, she didn't want to drag him into these matters any further than she already had.

He clears his throat, looking at her expectantly.

Feeling nervous and put on the spot, she just goes with her kneejerk reaction as to how best apologize to Nevel; she wraps her arms around the back of his neck, his hair prickling the back of her palms, and kisses him.

It's nothing cosmic or otherworldly; it's just a simple, chaste kiss.

When she finally pulls away, she can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks as she looks at the now breathless boy; she hadn't been aware that she was _that _good of kisser.

"Thank you, Nevel."

"I… uhmm…" He stumbles over his words, as his cheeks turn a sort of scarlet-plum color, and she can tell that he's completely flustered.

There's a sort of awkward silence as he takes a few deep breathes, the color in his face slowly reverting back to it's normal peach hue.

"Of course." He finishes coolly, with an air of self-assurance, his face now an impassive slate.

She rolls her eyes and stretches her arm out, ruffling his gelled hair, much to his displeasure.

"Bye Nevel."

She's halfway down the driveway before he hesitantly calls after her.

"Carly?"

She whirls around and sees him still standing on his porch, a flurry of emotions crossing over his features when he catches her eye.

"Thank you."

And who knows? Maybe this time, that kiss meant something after all.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>In case you didn't catch it already, the Sam/Freddie kiss counted as the fourth kiss in this fic. (:


End file.
